So
what can you do
PRACTICAL WAYS
TO HELP
FEELINGS
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Validate
the child’s feelings e.g. “You feel really angry today
about this, don’t you? It seems as if you are finding this
really hard”. |
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The
child will probably deny it at the time but will know inside that
he/she IS BEING LISTENED TO. In that atmosphere, the need for ‘dramatic’
behaviour may lessen. |
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Try
not to tell them “don’t be silly”, “its only
trivial”, “it doesn’t matter”. It may be trivial
to you but not to them. |
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You
are the responsible adult in the child’s life at school. If
you show the child you are trying to hear what he/she are saying
through their behaviour, the panic may subside gradually and the
behaviour improve. |
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Constant scanning for danger, especially behind them, can make adopted
children sensitive people, who would enjoy and be good at caring
for someone else. |
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The
child desperately needs the message “I want you here”.
Avoid threats of removal, exclusion etc. That is the greatest fear.
If he/she needs to be removed from a room, try to put it positively
e.g. “ lets go to see Mrs. X”. |
WORDS
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Try
to find a way to reach the child other than through words. Words
may be very difficult for adopted children, and yet they are expected
to use words at school a lot of the time. If a child won’t
tell you ‘what it is’, he/she can face more rejection.
Maybe he/she CAN’T! |
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Think
for the child. |
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Use
music, dance, drama, play, art, poetry whenever possible to give
the child alternatives to words as a means of expression. |
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If
you confront the child head on and use scathing language, you may
be reinforcing the child’s belief that he /she is totally valueless
– so valueless that he/she was ‘given away’. |
DAY TO DAY AT
SCHOOL
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Explain
clearly any changes in routine and staffing. Explain the arrival
of supply teachers. Explain why the regular teacher cannot be there.
Otherwise the child will think the teacher has left because of him/her. |
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Check
that teaching material does not make it harder for the adopted child
e.g. my family, family trees, genetics, sex education. Revealing
information about adoption may make the child feel uncomfortable
and different. |
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Could
another seat in the class be better e.g. next to a wall so there
is less danger. |
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At
lunchtimes or noisy times is there someone a child could be with
who will be reassuring – maybe an older pupil or adult helper.
Ask the child who he/she would feel safe with. |
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If
a child is going into ‘overload’, have strategies to help
defuse the situation e.g. listen to a tape, paint a picture, change
to a less stressful activity. |
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Look
for creative talents and gifts. |
Home
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